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6/8/23 - is there anyone out there that truly doesn’t care what other people think. In my opinion, that comment people make is complete bogus, or at least i dont know the deeper meaning of what they are referring to. Based on my original assumption of people saying “they dont care what other people think of them”, i imagine that they can dress however they want, act however they want in public, and they would never second guess what the people surrounding them are thinking of their personal character. Like would they really have no regret of that decision if someone confronted them, and told them that their actions were a problem. At least with my mindset, i would take that strangers opinion as a representation of what everyone else around me also thinks, and for me, my reputation is everything, and if i lose that, and i become disowned by the people that have supported me up until this point, then what do i have. I instead believe that when people say they dont care what other people think, is referring to the fact that i made a decision that im proud of, i did this because i wanted to in the moment, and nobody knows what was going through my mind in the moment, or where i was coming from, or what i was doing, so as long as i hold myself to the highest standards, then if someone were to judge me because im in a suit at a family function. Or if im going to the gym with walmart clothes. their opinion doesn’t impact what im going to do next time. i prepared to the ability that i thought was acceptable for the function i was a part of. And/or i was put in a position where i didn’t have the time/money or capabilties to make any other decision, so i shouldn’t have to worry about what other people think of me, because they are not in my position, they dont have to go through the life struggles, and events i am attending. Whether they are focused in the moment and have instant gratification from what they can do to impress others, and fit the role they think they are supposed to be in to give themself a reputation that does not fit their current roles, then they can go ahead and be stuck in their habits of spending money to impress others. While i save my money and time and get the best ROI of what im doign right now, ill have put in my time and money as efficiently as possible now so that i can have greater benefits in the future. Im going to be able to relax in the moment because im not stressing about what you think, because i know that what im doing right now, leads me to my long term future goals. You can judge me all you want, but i know im doing the best i can in the moment, and you dont know my situation, but no matter what you think of me, you are too afraid to approach me, and you wont say anything anyways, while im content, and shouldn’t have to have the burden of what you think weighing me down. My self positivity and contentment are the most important things i can have in the moment, and the idea of thinking about what you or anyone else thinks of me, is not worth my happiness and self image that i deserve this moment. I dont have that mindset because i dont need it, and you should worry about what other people think of you either because it truly does hold you back, and im a believer in only having a limited amount of willpower/mental energy, and thoughts in day, and im going to do everything i can not to waste them on something useless that doesn’t make me a better person.

6/7/23 - So with the idea of knowing your place in this world. It seems like so many of us are insecure in our own way. Yet, some people who are “still insecure” when called out in public, and asked what they think of themself, or what they would rate themself. They say im a 10/10. As if they have nothing to improve about themself, they claim to others that they are confident in their body, they think their personality is perfect. Now, the question i have is, when they get home, and look in the mirror and see all their insecurities, do they all of a sudden go into depression as they look at themself. I understand the purpose of having self confidence, but i think its more important to know your place, we have to treat ourself as if we have the same opinion as everyone else, otherwise people will look at you, make assumptions on your personality, and think you are egotistical/conceited/self-absorbed, and when you are already insecure, that’s the last thing you want people to think of you as. Instead, we should know how we fit in, we should know how other people think of us, and find our niche, we should find our place, and not act as if we are better than we are, we should instead be happy in our place, and as you know your place, nobody can demoralize you, or make fun of you, because you, and I, and everyone else know this is where you belong, based on how your personality fits into that current situation you are in. Now it doesn’t have to be based on facial and body looks alone, but analyzing your personality, and knowing how other people react to you. You can change your position in this world by changing the way you interact with people, but by forcing yourself into a role where you don’t belong, people will push you away. Its not about faking it till you make it. Rather know your place, and make small incremental improvements from there

6/6/23 - Something i started doing this week, was a carnivore diet, i wanted to see how quickly i could strip off fat, and maintain as much muscle as i can. This diet specifically, makes me feel comfortable based on my current eating patterns. I really just want to experiment with the body a little bit, and see what one week will do for me. I know i wont hold the diet much longer than that because i have done it in the past and it messes with your appetite where you continue to eat even though you are satisfied because there is something in the brain that is still craving carbs and it is a very strong signal, that tells you exactly what it wants. I’ve been putting on a lot of muscle the past couple months, up to 210, and just want to get more defined abs, which i can really only tell by the mirror. By the end of everyday, based on all the food i’ve eaten and water ive drank my stomach always seems extended, but by the morning, i feel “thinner” and everyday seems to be making progress, so we will see where i end up in a week.